Two To Tango
by Oratorio
Summary: Nobody gets left behind when the Normandy docks for shore leave. Shepard goes back to persuade Joker to come and have some fun, except he ends up having much more fun staying right where he is. One shot, Shoker smut.


**My first Mass Effect story. Hope you enjoy it x**

* * *

Kira Shepard couldn't help but notice the way Joker had looked at her when she returned to the Normandy after helping Kasumi retrieve her lover's grey box. The flight lieutenant's eyes had widened at the sight of his commander wearing a dress and heels instead of her usual fatigues, and he had smiled broadly as his gaze raked up and down her body. Joker was many things, but subtle was not one of them.

Shepard had blushed and mumbled something about going to check on Kasumi before hurrying awkwardly away in the unfamiliar shoes. She had never experienced the pilot's regard so directly before, although he had passed comment on nearly every other crew member on the ship. In particular, she remembered how she had felt when he had implied salaciously that he'd thought about what Miranda might do if she ever "lightened up". That evening she had stood beside her bed in her underclothes and poked and pinched herself all over, comparing her taut muscles to Miranda's curves and wishing that Joker would think about her in the same way.

She didn't know how long she had been attracted to her pilot, but she suspected it might well have been from the moment she first laid eyes on him, minutes after setting foot on the Normandy SR-1. She remembered green eyes, dark hair and an almost insolent attitude, and had immediately wished that they had met somewhere else. Shepard was a professional, and she knew that she would have to swallow her feelings and not allow them to become a distraction. Up until now, she thought she had done fairly well.

But now, all she could think of was his eyes and the way he had looked at her in that dress. She'd felt uncomfortable in the tight black leather, and had sworn to never wear it again after the mission at Donovan Hock's party, but… She folded the dress away carefully. Perhaps when their next shore leave was due, she might consider digging it out once more.

* * *

It was several months and many gruelling missions before they had a chance for that shore leave, but it had got to the point where everyone was exhausted and Shepard knew that a break was needed. She asked Joker to set a course to the Citadel and sent a message to her crew that they would have 48 hours to kick back and relax before resuming their duties.

Shepard pulled the dress from the bottom of her cupboard and shook it out, thinking. She was so tired; tired of the endless war, the constant demands from the Illusive Man and Cerberus, tired of being treated with suspicion by those who had been her friends, tired of being alone in her cabin night after night with only her hamster and her nightmares for company. As everyone seemed to keep reminding her, she wasn't in the Alliance any more. She was working for Cerberus now, an outfit who weren't exactly known for their lawfulness. So, why shouldn't she live up to their reputation and have a bit of fun for once.

Kasumi raised her eyebrows as she saw Shepard walking down the corridor towards her.

"I thought you said you were going to burn that dress," she said.

"Guess I changed my mind," Shepard said, smiling. "Decided it was high time I let my hair down. See you in Purgatory? I'm buying."

"Well in that case, I'll meet you there," Kasumi said, pulling her cloak tightly and disappearing into silver shadows.

* * *

Shepard was buying. She must have burned through countless credits as the liqueur kept pouring, soldiers raising toasts to the Hero of the Citadel over and over again for the sake of a free drink. She was drunk enough now to bask in the adulation, even drunk enough to dance – horribly - with a group of marines who were loudly cheering her on.

But not so drunk that she didn't look up every time someone walked into the bar, hoping it would be Joker.

Her entire crew were there, taking full advantage of her generosity. All except for the one person she really wanted to see.

Eventually she booted up her omni-tool.

"EDI, it's Commander Shepard. I was wondering if you knew where Joker was?"

"Mr Moreau remains aboard the Normandy, Commander." EDI's mechanical voice almost sounded amused.

"Thank you." Shepard shut down the communication link and turned back to the bar. Typical Joker, never wanting to leave the cockpit. She wouldn't be surprised if he spent the whole 48 hours sitting in his chair surfing the extranet.

"Well it won't do," she slurred to the bemused turian barman. "I expect my crew to relax when I order them to. With real people. Not healthy to spend so much time on the extranet. Don't you agree?"

The turian nodded nervously. He had never seen this strange human before but she had spent more credits tonight than most people did in a year, and she had clearly consumed a fair portion herself going by the slightly glazed look in her eyes.

"One for the road!" Shepard watched the barman pour her a vivid lilac cocktail of spirits and downed it in one gulp before staggering off towards the elevator. Damn it, she was the commander of this ship and it was her responsibility to make sure the crew took down time. She would force Joker to socialise if she had to.

* * *

Shepard tried hard not to giggle as she attempted to tiptoe through the deserted ship. Stealth had never been her strong point, and after five drinks and wearing heels it was impossible. Joker had spun his chair around to watch her approach before she had even made it half way to the cockpit.

"Commander?" He looked at her quizzically.

"Joker," she leaned against his chair for support. "You know, one of the rules on this ship is that nobody is left behind. So I've come back for you."

"Yeah. That didn't go so well for you last time," Joker said, quirking an eyebrow. "Seriously Commander, I'm fine. Partying isn't really my thing, you know?"

"So tell me then, what is your _thing, _flyboy?" She blinked, couldn't believe those words had come out of her mouth. God, the alcohol must have been stronger than she thought.

Joker chuckled. "Married to my career, Commander. How else would I have become the most amazing pilot in the universe?"

"True enough." Shepard slid on to the arm of Joker's chair and rested her hand on his shoulder. "But you must do _something _to relax?"

"Uh… Commander?" Joker had tensed at her touch, and for a moment she froze, imagining what the Illusive Man would say when the pilot made a complaint about her. Then she noticed the look Joker was giving her and the way his gaze moved purposely down to her chest. _Definitely interested_, she thought.

"Come on, Joker, you must have heard Garrus' stories about how he lets off steam. Don't say you've never thought about it." Shepard ran one finger down his arm and he shivered.

"With respect, Ma'am, you're my senior officer. Chain of command and all that?" Joker's voice was shaky as his green eyes met her warm brown ones.

"We aren't Alliance any more," Shepard said, "so I guess it doesn't matter as much as it used to."

Joker swallowed hard and exhaled. "What – what are you suggesting here?"

"This." Shepard swung one leg over the pilot's chair and straddled him, removing his cap and flinging it across the cabin. Her fingers dragged through his hair and down the sides of his face, the feel of his beard prickly against her palms. She leaned down and kissed him.

His response was instant. If she had worried that she was making a drunken fool of herself, the way he kissed her back would have put those fears to bed. His arms snaked around her waist as their tongues twined together, hot and desperate. She knew she probably tasted of those awful cocktails she had been drinking, but Joker didn't seem to mind.

"Wow… Commander. _Shepard_," Joker said when they finally broke the kiss. "Where did that come from?"

"Commander Shepard has exhibited increases in heart rate whenever she has engaged in conversation with you, Mr Moreau," EDI's disembodied voice rang through the ship, making both Joker and Shepard jump.

"Hell, EDI. Can a woman have no dignity around here?" Shepard shook her head, embarrassed. "Privacy, please."

"Logging out."

"Oh God," she hid her face in her hands. "I am never going to live this down."

"Aw, Shepard, I totally understand," Joker said with a grin. "If I were you, I wouldn't be able to resist me either."

Despite herself, Shepard laughed. "Can we pretend you never heard that?"

"Nope." Joker smirked, obviously enjoying her discomfort.

"Not even if I bribe you?"

Joker raised his eyebrows. "And how do you intend to do that?"

Shepard's eyes narrowed as she climbed off Joker's lap and dropped to her knees beside the chair. She heard him take a deep breath.

"Perhaps this might help you forget," she said, her hands at his waistband.

"Shepard… _Shit_," he hissed as she ran one finger along the length of his exposed cock.

Her stomach flipped at the sound of his voice, the _need _she heard in it. She had never seen him this way, the usual shields of sarcasm and humour disappearing rapidly. His eyes were dark with lust as she lowered her head to take him in her mouth.

His whole body tautened in the chair as she moved her lips over him, enjoying the incoherent noises he was making above her. She closed her eyes, lost herself in the taste of him, his heat, the way he felt like velvet on her tongue.

"Ah, Shepard, stop," Joker said suddenly, pushing at her shoulder. "It's, uh, been a while. I won't be able to…"

She smiled against him but pulled back, looking up into his face. He was breathing hard, his cheeks tinged with pink. Slowly, she stood up, lifting her dress just far enough so that she could shimmy out of the underwear she had on underneath as Joker stared at her.

"My god, Shepard," he said dazedly, "I must've fallen asleep in my chair, right? This is a dream?"

"C'mon Jeff," she said, "if it was a dream, would I be able to do _this -_" and she leaned over and kissed him deeply – "and would _you _ be able to do _this -" _she lifted one of his hands and placed it firmly on her breast.

"I guess not," he said, "at least not in any dream I've ever had before."

"This isn't a dream, Jeff," she said, once more climbing into his lap and straddling him. Her dress rode up, exposing the soft dark skin of her thighs. She heard his breath catch as his hands began to travel up her legs, up to the hem of the dress where he hesitated.

"Please," she said softly, her whole body aching. Joker moaned as he delved beneath her dress, his fingers leaving hot trails against her skin. Shepard shuddered as she felt him stroke her, electricity threading through her body at his touch. _Never mind making the Normandy dance, _she thought, _I'm about to tango through this whole damn ship._

She gasped as Joker's fingers found her clitoris, circling the sensitive bud expertly. His lips were against her neck, breathing hotly on her skin as he kissed his way down to her collar bone, making her shiver and grind against him.

"I want you inside me. _Now_," she whispered urgently and felt him twitch beneath her.

"Yes," he said simply, and she sank down on to him, sighing in pleasure as she felt him slide into her wet heat. He called out her name in a voice two shades huskier than she was used to hearing, and she looked deep into his eyes as she began to move slowly over him.

Oh, but he felt wonderful filling her. Shepard rocked her hips against him, angling his thrusts so that he pressed against the sweet spot inside her which sent tingles racing across her skin. Her breath was coming in short gasps as she began to feel her orgasm building. She knew she wouldn't last long and nor would he, this first time together. The look on his face alone – pure naked desire, all barriers stripped away – was almost enough to push her over the edge.

Then he reached down and pressed his finger against her clit and she felt herself come apart, crying out his name as she shook her way through the most powerful orgasm she thought she had ever experienced. Joker followed her over the edge as she clenched around him, almost sobbing out a breath against her neck as he found his release inside her.

For a long time afterwards they remained joined together, chest to chest, forehead to forehead. Joker's deep green eyes were glittering with an unknown emotion and she herself felt overwhelmed with what they had just done.

"So, Shepard," Joker eventually began hesitantly. "You going to put this down to a drunken mistake, or what?"

She tensed, never having felt more sober in her life. Was this really what he thought?

"Is that how it seemed to you?" Her voice was harsher than she intended and she saw him flinch.

"I… no. It's just, this sort of thing doesn't happen to me. I mean, there are plenty of women who go for pilots, yeah, but not women like you. Shit, I am so bad at this!" Joker swiped a hand across his eyes angrily.

Shepard gazed at his miserable face and leaned in to kiss him lightly.

"This wasn't a mistake, Jeff. At least not for me. I'd been wanting to do that for such a long time."

"For real?" Joker brightened up almost instantly. Shepard laughed at his boyish expression.

"Yeah. For real. Now, by my reckoning we have another forty two hours of shore leave before everyone'll be back on the ship. You have any suggestions, flight lieutenant?"

"Maybe one or two," Joker said, grinning up at her.


End file.
